


Slamming the Captain

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M, meme fic, not kind to Janeway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 15:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9908618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: There are those on Voyager who think Captain Janeway should be replaced.





	1. A Man of Few Words

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Written a long time ago for ASCEM's '40 Years of Captains' challenge.  
> 2\. OC Adamson belongs to Darksusie and appears with her permission.

It was another working dinner in the captain's quarters. Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay slowly made their way through the never-ending pile of reports as they ate their evening meal.

“You're not listening to me, Chakotay.” Kathryn poked her first officer with a booted foot to emphasize her comment.

“Sorry. What did you say?”

She repeated her observations on Tuvok's security reports, but it was patently obvious Chakotay was paying more attention to the PADD in his hand than anything she had to say.

“What have you got there? The helm report? Astrometrics? Neelix's morale recommendations? It must be good.”

“It's not actually a report. In fact, it's probably in here by mistake.”

“Don't tell me – it's another one of those questionnaire things doing the rounds again.”

“Yes, it is.”

“What is it this time? One of those kinky sex ones, or the more mundane 'five things I want to do when I get back home' or is it one of the offbeat psychological type ones I'm convinced the Doctor starts when he wants to gather data?”

“None of those, exactly.”

“What is it then?”

“You mightn't find it funny.”

“Right now anything would be funnier than Tuvok's security report.”

“Don't say I didn't warn you,” said Chakotay as he handed over the PADD.

“I'd better fortify myself then.” She rose and collected another coffee from the replicator. 

“ _Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme,” Kathryn read aloud. “Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.” She snorted over her mug. “If only it were that easy.”

She scrolled down through the questions and the answers.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Lt. Ayala.

_What is this person's current post?_

~He's one of Tuvok's security guards and also works in tactical.

_What honors has this person received?_

~He managed to get an early promotion from Ensign to Lieutenant  
He should have got something for being prepared to defend the crew against the Hanonians with only a rock.

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He's tall, dark and handsome – well, that's got to count for something.  
He's versatile.  
He's popular with Fleet and Maquis alike.  
He's Chakotay's right-hand man - that's being like a first officer for the Maquis. (Would that promotion then make him Chakotay’s left-hand man?)  
He can run fast.  
He knows when to disobey orders.  
Being a man of few words, he makes all those he says count.  
He's used to hanging out on the bridge so he's somewhat familiar with the procedures.  
It's about time we had a Maquis in charge. Think about it, Chakotay and Torres were Fleet first, so he's the highest ranking purely Maquis officer.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Any of the Maquis, except that most of them are only crewmen although he could probably see his way to remedying that.

~Harry Kim, because even though Harry's still an ensign, he doesn't seem to be jealous of Lt. Ayala's promotion and they were one of the first Fleet/Maquis friendships formed on board.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Kathryn didn’t exactly feel like laughing although as Chakotay was watching her face, she did allow herself a tight-lipped smile.

“I think I’ll keep this for the time being. If you find any more, you can pass them on to me.”

“Why would you want them? They’re just a harmless joke.”

“Oh, no reason,” she said nonchalantly, and then worried that her astute first officer might pickup on her concerns over another possibly mutiny, she added quickly, “More of them would make a humorous little collection. You know, to be read together.” She bent her head over the PADD once more and missed Chakotay entering a blank set of the instructions on to a PADD of his own.


	2. An Appreciation of Talent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another PADD is found.

Neelix bustled around the mess hall. The kitchen had officially closed for the evening but there were still a few crew members talking quietly together. Commander Chakotay sat alone. The pile of PADDs at his elbow clearly indicated he was not in the mood for company. Neelix took over the pot of coffee and refilled the commander's mug.

“A first officer's work is never done. May I get you anything else before I finish, Commander?”

“No thanks, Neelix. I only have a couple more of these reports to go through. I won't be here much longer.”

“Very well. In that case, good evening.”

Chakotay nodded and returned to his work. 

The rest of the people left and Neelix cleared and wiped the tables. A stray PADD remained on one of the seats. He picked it up and glanced at it, looking for a clue as to who might have left it behind. His own name caught his eye and curiosity got the better of him. He sat down at the nearest table and began to read.

_Application for the Position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Neelix

_What is this person’s current post?_

~Chef  
Morale Officer  
Ambassador

_What honors has this person received?_

~Being appointed ambassador by Captain Janeway

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He does the most jobs on Voyager – he has also been known to help out in engineering, security and even lead away teams so he's versatile.  
He's been captain of his own ship.  
He's probably the one person who knows everyone on board better than anyone due to his work in his current posts.  
He's completely independent, without any previous Starfleet/Maquis affiliation.  
He has the commodities honesty, loyalty and hard work in abundance.  
He's good with children, so maybe there will be encouragement for people to produce more.  
Nobody will be sleeping their way to the top with him.  
When the crew sees the captain is happy, they’re happy, and Neelix is happy a lot more often than Janeway.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~All of them, because they all know Neelix’s talents, particularly in relation to leola root, are not appreciated to their fullest in the kitchen.

~Harry Kim, because he’s tasted Chell’s cooking.

 

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Neelix shook his head. The first brief flush of pleasure at seeing his name quickly gave way to bemusement. This was obviously a joke. He recalled some of the other PADDs he'd seen with a variety of questions, some of an extremely personal nature, that had appeared in the past. He debated whether to leave it in the mess hall for the owner to claim, but noticed the commander still sitting in the corner, and given the subject matter, decided to place it in his hands.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you again, Commander. I found this and don’t quite know what to do with it. I’m sure it’s a joke, but it could be taken the wrong way, especially by the captain. I’d rather not leave it lying around the mess hall.”

Chakotay scanned the PADD and hid a smile from the anxious Talaxian as he assured him he’d take care of it.

“I’ll take care of it. By the way, if you see any more of these, you can pass them along to me. I know just what to do with them.”

They exchanged another round of goodnights and when Neelix left, Chakotay entered another blank set of instructions onto a spare PADD.


	3. Two for the Price of One

“Wait!” Tom ran along the passageway to the turbolift and scrambled through the doorway just in time to join Harry and Chakotay on their way to the bridge. He acknowledged Chakotay’s presence and turned to his friend.

“Harry, Harry, Harry!” He waved a PADD in Harry’s face. 

“What?”

“Not bad, not bad at all. Have the twins seen this? Better still, has the captain?”

“Seen what?”

Tom handed Harry the PADD, who read the first paragraph aloud.

“ _Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.” He shook his head and glanced quickly at Chakotay, who called for the turbolift to halt and asked Harry to humor him and read the rest so he and Tom could hear.

" _Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Jenny and Megan Delaney

_What is this person's current post?_

~They work in stellar cartography

_What honors has this person received?_

~ They double-dated Paris and Kim, both of whom are convinced that is an honor.  
Co-Captains of the Starfleet Academy Cheerleading Squad for 3 consecutive years.

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~They should be Co-Captains because there is just too much work for one captain to do, and they have experience as co-captains.  
They could be on the bridge twice as often.  
They can be in two places at once.  
They can do that twin communication thing where they know what the other is thinking, which would be very useful.  
They would encourage more fraternization among the crew.  
They are not addicted to coffee and therefore would not make bad decisions due to caffeine withdrawal.  
Stellar cartography is actually overstaffed since Seven converted it to astrometrics and basically took over.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Harry Kim. Jenny still likes Harry, Harry still likes Megan so he wouldn’t dare endorse one without the other.

~Buster Kincaid. Oh, hang on, that’s Harry. Well, there’s two of them, so Harry should get two chances to support the application. No? In that case, Seven, because she doesn’t need the twin’s help. Wait, she’s not a ranking officer, although from her behavior, and Janeway’s relationship with her you’d think she was, so how about Tom Paris – he was most impressed with the flexibility of their cheerleading skills...'Give me a T! T! Give me an O! O!....' You get the picture. 

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._ ” concluded Harry after numerous pauses. The flush on his face began to fade. 

“I didn’t write this, Tom. You have to believe me, Commander.”

“Of course you didn’t,” said Chakotay smoothly, before Tom had time to tease. “I’ll take care of that.” He deftly removed the PADD from Harry’s limp fingers, and called for the turbolift to recommence its journey. Within seconds, the door opened and Chakotay strode onto the bridge, leaving Tom and Harry to follow. Harry fought to maintain a neutral expression as he noticed Chakotay studying the PADD at intervals and each time entering something onto a new PADD.


	4. Please State the Nature of the Command Crisis

“I’ve done one. What do you think?”

He scanned the PADD. “Oh, she’ll just ‘love’ this one. I’ll see that it gets to her. Let me see, I’ll say it was found in Observation Lounge 2, right?”

“Do you think she’ll mention it at the staff meeting?”

“We’ll have to wait and see.”

~ * ~ * ~

Kathryn had just collected her second coffee for the morning when Chakotay arrived. The first thing she noticed was the single PADD he brought with him. No credits for guessing what he was bringing to her attention, she thought a little sourly. Still, nobody was ever going to say that Captain Kathryn Janeway could not take a joke. She supposed the idea of Delaney sisters as co-captains was funny and Neelix as captain of Voyager was even more laughable. As long as Chakotay was not nominated, she wouldn’t have to worry. Even after all these years….

He held up the PADD and waved it in her direction. “I’ve been told this was found in Observation Lounge 2. Here.”

Kathryn fortified herself with the coffee before beginning to read.

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~The Doctor

_What is this person's current post?_

~Chief Medical Officer

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Special commendation for making first contact with a photonic lifeform.  
He’s been the President of Earth  
Plenty more but they can’t be listed as his heroic efforts never seem to get officially acknowledged

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He’s not just a hologram, he’s a Starfleet hologram.  
His program can be expanded indefinitely.  
His acerbic manner is more suited to the command chair than the bedside.  
I’d want him on my side if I was Tuvix. (He refused to execute him, but Janeway had no qualms.)  
He saved Harry Kim after he was attacked by species 8472  
We would never have to hear that irritating ‘please state the nature of the medical emergency’ again.  
He has already done the job as an ‘Emergency Command Hologram’.  
He’s programmed to be heroic when the need arises.  
Multitasking is second nature to him.  
Just think of it – he can call on the experience of Kirk, Spock, Sulu, Picard…all the great captains in the blink of an eye, and even Janeway if he needed to.  
Does not need coffee to function, or leola root, or oxygen, or anything, really.  
He looks better in a red shirt.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Ensign Harry Kim. He wouldn’t have to leave the bridge to adjust the ECH’s programming, and did I mention the Doctor saved his life.

~Lieutenant Walter Baxter, because deep inside he’d still rather not be treated by a hologram.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

Seeing that Chakotay was making no effort to hide the fact he was watching for her response, Kathryn called upon all of her acting abilities and produced a small laugh.

“That makes four now, although I must say this one is not quite up to the others. Whoever wrote it missed out a superb opportunity to include a reason along the lines of ‘he’s an ECH, not a doctor’. 

“You’re right. What are you doing with them, by the way?”

“They’re over there, by the terminal.”

Chakotay looked over at the trio of PADDs as they were joined by a fourth. He wondered how Kathryn would feel if there happened to be five PADDs in the group next time she looked. It would be a command crisis of interesting proportions.


	5. Chapter 35: Captain Proton and the Voyage of the Damned

Chakotay strode into the captain’s Ready Room without waiting for an invitation and only his lightning fast reflexes, developed as a boy on Dorvan V, honed as a Maquis freedom fighter and kept up to speed boxing on the holodeck, saved his life as his hand shot up and caught a missile that surely would have connected his temple with deadly force. 

“They’ve gone too far. Someone nominated a holocharacter!” Ire roughened the husky drawl to a gravelly burr. Grating noises that accompanied the frustrated groan sounded suspiciously like the grinding of enamel on enamel.

He examined the PADD that the captain had flung with strength lent by anger.

“Strictly speaking, Captain Proton is not a holocharacters. It’s only Tom Paris’ role in the program,” said Chakotay, his voice as soothing has hot chocolate sauce.

Alas, the sauce had no effect on the gravel as Janeway continued, “I don’t care. The point is Proton is not a member of the crew.”

“Tom is, and it’s just a joke. Who handed this one in?”

Kathryn paused and frowned. “That’s another thing. I found it with the others. There was no sign of who left it. It was apparently beamed in, but all traces have been wiped from the computer.”

Chakotay pretended he was Neelix and thus suffering from lack of tact. He began to read aloud with all the excitement and nuances of the original voiceover man, and all the while sneaking sideways glances at the captain as he did so.

“The Adventures of Captain Proton! Chapter 35: Voyage of the Damned. Captain Proton and Buster Kincaid are prisoners on the Intergalactic Rocketship, the ‘Intrepid Delta Traveler’, (Voyager for short), run by the beautiful but evil Queen Katrine, with the help of her trusted Martian assistant, Trance-it, (who has the ability to mesmerize people) Those on board are the kidnapped leaders of their planets. Her fiendish plan to control the universe involves converting everyone to desiring entry into the great and mighty United Directorate of Galaxies, where they will live their lives according to the Main Order. Proton and Kincaid incite the crew to mutiny and if successful, the Intrepid Delta Traveler will require a new captain to see her now freed crew home.”

Chakotay covertly inspected Kathryn’s visage for smoke coming out of her ears, and then continued, “ _Application for the position of Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. 

_Name the person you would like to take over as captain of Voyager._

~Captain Proton

_What is this person's current post?_

~Spaceman, First Class  
Defender of the Universe, where he has defeated the Cosmic Creature, Dr Chaotica and other evil villains

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Protector of Earth   
Scourge of Intergalactic Evil

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He is one already  
He gets the baddies, including Queen Arachnia and Satan’s Robot secretly on his side  
Every one of his knobs is fully functional  
He resurrects the lost art of the hyperbole  
His uniform is a better style  
He attracts a better class of villain (there is simply no comparison between the Kazon and Dr Chaotica, or the Twin Mistresses of Evil – hubba hubba!)  
Don’t you just love the language, and the gadgets?

 

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Buster Kincaid – he’s Proton’s right hand man, along with Constance Goodheart and the President of Earth. Err, better make that Harry Kim – he’d like to be someone’s right hand man.

~Tom Paris – well, that’s obvious

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._ "

“I’m going to bust Tom Paris down to crewman for this, and there isn’t a rank low enough for Harry Kim.”

“Now, Kathryn, they probably didn’t have anything to do with this. Just ignore it, and some other craze will come along. After all, if they’ve had to resort to Paris’ holoprogram character, they must have run out of ideas.”

“You’re right, Chakotay. I didn’t think of that. Coffee?” she offered, already calmer.

Chakotay placed the fifth PADD with the others and contemplated his coffee with just a small smile playing on his face.


	6. Our Man Biddle

The senior staff sat around the table in the captain’s Ready Room. The meeting had been boring and all were hoping to be dismissed so they could get on with their jobs. Captain Janeway shifted several PADDs from one pile to another.

“Before you leave, I have something I would like to discuss. It concerns a member of the crew. I'd like you to tell me what you know about him.” Unexpectedly, she turned to her left, ignoring Chakotay who was in his usual position on her right. “Mr Paris, I'll start with you. How well do you know Crewman Biddle?”

“Biddle? Biddle. Actually, not very well at all. He's not a pilot. I don't think he's an engineer. I don't even think I've come across him in Sickbay. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I know his name.”

“Thank you. Ensign Kim, how about you?”

“Ah, I think he works in hydroponics, or maybe biosciences. I also think maybe he must spend a lot of time on gamma shift as I don't think he's ever been to Sandrine's or the Resort when we’ve been there.”

“Hmm. Tuvok?”

“Crewman Biddle has never been involved in an altercation that has required the intervention of security. I am unable to comment further.”

“You haven't heard any...rumors...about him?”

“Are you able to be more specific about the nature of the rumors?”

“Not at this time.”

“Then no, I am unable to help you further.”

Kathryn turned to the monitor where the Doctor's image was displayed. “Doctor, you would at least have met the man at his physicals.”

“Indeed. He is a healthy human who has only been into Sickbay for his annual physical examination. To my knowledge, he has managed to refrain from suffering any other injury or illness. Thus, I could not claim to know him well at all. I also have not heard any rumors about him.”

“Lieutenant Torres.”

“Nothing, Captain. Wherever he works, it's not in engineering.”

“Mr Neelix, surely you must have heard something or know something.”

“Yes, Captain. He comes to the Mess Hall occasionally. On his days off, you know. There is one thing that I overheard the other day, which didn't mean anything to me, but perhaps it's what you’re looking for. His name was mentioned in connection with a section 31, but we don't have a section 31 on board and I thought I must have misheard. I can't tell you who was speaking as I had my head in the oven at the time.”

“Thank you, Neelix. Commander, the rosters are your responsibility.” Kathryn looked at her XO with raised eyebrows.

“He works in maintenance, and usually takes the gamma shift by choice.”

“That will be all, thank you everyone. Dismissed.”

Everyone left, a hundred questions burning in their brains, but nobody was game enough to voice them, except Chakotay who remained behind.

“What was that all about?” He paused briefly and then held out his hand. “You got another one, didn't you? Nominating Biddle, I suppose. What did you hope to learn?”

“I don't know. I thought someone might let something slip, in their manner maybe, which would give away the fact that they were responsible for the joke.” She sighed as she handed over the PADD. “At least they are back on a real crewperson this time, even if he is one of the most anonymous people on board.”

“So, it's not so bad when it's a real person,” said Chakotay as he read the PADD.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Crewman Biddle. We have reason to believe his name is Randolph.

_What is this person's current post?_

~We’re not sure, but we think he spends time in hydroponics, or possibly astrometrics, or maybe maintenance. As we said, we’re not sure.

_What honors has this person received?_

~ They are classified. If we told you, we’d have to kill you.  
(Rumor has it, he’s a member of Section 31)

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~Why not?  
He’ll find some way to dispose of us if we don’t propose him  
His security clearance is the highest on the ship  
Section 31 would use different methods of negotiation, which might help us get home faster.  
He’s got that chameleon personality which is a useful thing

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this_

~Lt. Ayala, for the Maquis

~Ensign Harry Kim, for Starfleet

Nobody remembers whether he’s Fleet or Maquis, so here’s a supporting officer from each background. They would endorse his application because it is never a good idea to be on the wrong side of Section 31.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

“It couldn't possibly be true?” said Kathryn, not bothering to conceal the worry in her voice, “Section 31, I mean.”

“Probably not,” said Chakotay soothingly. “Just because they insert operatives everywhere, doesn't mean they had time to place on Voyager.”

“Maybe they placed one on your ship - after all, we got Tuvok and the Cardassians got Seska on there,” responded Kathryn, with more than just a little venom.

Chakotay stilled, and in a tone of iciest silk replied, “That may be, but their operative is on _your_ ship now.” He dropped the PADD onto the desk and stalked from the room.


	7. The One You've Been Waiting For

Chakotay spent the morning on the bridge brooding. The captain's comments about Seska and Tuvok both serving on his ship as successful spies rankled. A little payback would make him feel better, and what better way to do it than take advantage of her increasing paranoia and give her what she was really expecting. They were due to have lunch together, so instead of spending it alone in his office, which was his usual response to any tiff they had, he would join her and make her day as well as his own.

They had amicably reached the coffee stage, confining their talk to their usual exchange of scuttlebutt.

“There's something else we need to discuss,” said Chakotay. It's these 'Application for Captain' memes that have been appearing. I believe you are taking them just a little too seriously. I also think you're afraid someone will nominate me, or that I'm the one behind them, so I've decided to set your mind at rest. I'm going to fill out my own, right here and now, in your presence. Then we can have a good laugh, okay?”

He found a spare PADD and helped himself to one of the completed ones.

“Here we go then. _Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ ' meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager,” he read aloud, entering the instructions on to the blank PADD as he spoke.

“The person I'd like to see is - Commander Chakotay. His current post is First Officer, Voyager NCC-74656. So far, so good.” He looked up at Kathryn, who was maintaining a carefully neutral expression.

“What honors has this person received? Hmm. I entered Starfleet Academy at just 15. I made first contact with the Tarkannans, but let’s not think about what I achieved before Voyager. Just how many of my solutions to problems that you appropriated as your own would you like me to mention? They would probably fill up a nice bit of space.” He kept his tone smooth.

“Next, why do you think this person should be captain? Oh, I still pull a few strings around here and just leave it at that. Then I have to put the two names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why I think this. I think I can manage more than two names. I'll make a list:  
Tuvok – I helped him through his Pon Farr  
Paris – He still owns my life so that would give him a real in with the captain  
Torres – She hasn’t forgotten who got her the post of Chief Engineer  
The Doctor – I always turn up for my physicals. It doesn’t pay to be on the wrong side of the Doctor.  
Neelix – I celebrated the private After-Prixin festival with him  
Seven – Let’s just say I’ve seen who has a starring role in her favorite holoprogram, and despite evidence to the contrary, it isn’t Kathryn Janeway  
Ayala – This man is my friend  
Any of the Equinox crew – they haven’t forgotten how close you came to crossing the line and killing a man  
Lieutenant Baxter – we work out together  
Freddy Bristow – he’s tall and good looking, sometimes that’s enough  
Doug Bronowski – many things about him besides his record are flawless  
Sue Brooks – can do a lot of things besides stand in the background  
Ricky Carlson – remember his role in Insurrection Alpha  
Chell – I helped him celebrate the Bolian Festival of Life  
Golwat – I helped her with that one too. Cartilaginous tongues are just so…well, we won’t go into that here  
Culhane – I have a fondness for pilots and they seem to like me  
Michael Sullivan – Katie O’Clare wasn’t the only person he was programmed to like  
The Delaney sisters – I have agreed to add cheerleading to the fitness program on board  
Gerron – It’s amazing what boosting his self-confidence has done for that young man, in more than one field  
Vorik – I helped him through his Pon Farr too.  
And lets not forget Harry Kim – the first, no, the second thing I’d do as captain would be to promote him.  
I could continue. I think I won't worry about copying these instructions and passing them on to someone else.”

Chakotay stood to leave and slid the completed PADD in Kathryn's direction.

“I have some things I need to do before I go back to the Bridge, but this is the one you really wanted to see, wasn't it? I could take the captain's position at any time, with the support of virtually all of the crew, but I haven't.” 

Kathryn stared at the departing view of man who had sworn to be her Angry Warrior, giving himself peace fulfilling her needs, as he was never before able to find on his own.

He laughed quietly to himself after the door closed and he was safely out of hearing.


	8. The Captain's Assistant

Kathryn Janeway woke early the next morning. She'd been waking early the last few mornings so it was really no surprise. While she drank her first coffee of the day, she checked her messages. One in particular caught her eye. It was from the Captain's Assistant requesting a formal interview. Kathryn could not help smiling. An interview with Naomi would be just the thing to cheer her up. She frowned as she tried to remember what time the child finished her lessons each day. After conferring with the ever-useful computer, she allocated a quarter hour at the end of lunch.

Naomi was prompt. Kathryn ushered her to the window seat, but Naomi suggested that as this was a formal interview sitting at the desk would be more appropriate. Kathryn hid a smile at the unchildlike request. 

The Captain's Assistant formally opened the proceedings by enquiring anxiously after the captain's health. It took Kathryn a surprising amount of reassurance to convince her nothing was wrong. She then withdrew a PADD from the case she'd brought with her and Kathryn's heart sank. 

“I found this in the corner of one of the turbolifts. Somebody must have dropped it. I asked a couple of people what to do with it. Seven said it was irrelevant. Neelix suggested I pass it on to Commander Chakotay, as he would know what to do with it. Mom told me to give it to her, but I heard her talking about it with Lieutenant Nicoletti and they wondered if you had seen it. It sounded like they thought you should, so I decided to bring it to you.”

With the grapevine being as efficient as ever, the whole ship would know about the PADDs. Kathryn flushed faintly as she read it.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.’ 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Zak Adamson

_What is this person's current post?_

~Engineering

_What honors has this person received?_

~Second place in the 2372 ‘New and Interesting Uses for Leola Root’ competition  
Third place in the 2372 Golden Hypospanner Award for Excellence in Engineering  
Second place in the 2374 Golden Hypospanner Award for Excellence in Engineering  
First Place in the 2375 Golden Hypospanner Award for Excellence in Engineering  
In a secret mission duplicating the Warp 10 experiment, he broke the Warp 11 barrier, thus topping Tom Paris’ efforts  
Became the youngest ensign ever to command a starship when he captained Voyager for ten days when the entire senior succumbed to the effects one of Neelix’s creations

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He’s original  
He can cope with Torres’ hissy fits with perfect aplomb, so he’d be able to deal with anyone else’s, including Janeway’s  
He’s never been caught _in flagrante delictco_ in a Jeffries tube  
He’s been able to work his way up in the engineering hierarchy, so why not command  
He’s gotten a lot further with Chakotay than Janeway ever has  
In the not so secret mission to break the Warp 11 barrier, it wasn’t lizards he and Janeway turned into

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Joe Carey. Adamson is dependable, reliable and a lot of other things ending in 'able'.

~Harry Kim. He was my mentor at the Academy and I would not be the person I am today without his influence.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

“What is it, Naomi?” asked Kathryn when she’d finished and she became aware that Naomi was staring intently at her.

Naomi explained kindly although obvious disappointment laced her tones, “I was watching to see if your hair curled when you read it, but it didn’t.”


	9. Just Like Janeway

“You said Naomi took Adamson’s application to the captain.”

“Yes. She wasn’t supposed to. It was meant to get to her via Neelix.”

“In the long run, it doesn’t matter how she gets them, as long as she gets them, and anyway, it inspired me. What do you think of this?”

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.’ 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Naomi Wildman

_What is this person's current post?_

~Captain’s Assistant

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Voyager Kadiskot champion

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~She has ignored Chakotay’s orders, just like Janeway  
She has assisted in rescuing Seven from the Borg Queen, just like Janeway  
She’s friends with Seven, just like Janeway  
She’s beautiful, intelligent, honest, polite, loving (we got all those reasons and a bunch more from Samantha, and let’s face it, Janeway is beautiful, intelligent, honest and usually polite)  
By the time Janeway could be convinced to retire, Naomi will be old enough to take over and it will be just like Janeway never left

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Samantha ‘I’m all in favor of a little healthy nepotism’ Wildman, because she’s beautiful, intelligent, honest, polite, loving etc etc 

~Harry Kim, because Naomi and Harry are from the same alternative universe, and besides that, he knows just how long it takes promotions to come through, therefore nominating her now means – oh, never mind, everyone gets the point.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

“You know, there's something really creepy about this.”

“What?”

“That this is really believable, that she is just like Janeway and do we want another Janeway? I don't think so. Maybe Naomi could be encouraged to take up piloting, or biosciences, or...or cooking!”

“There's a thought. So do we want the captain to see this one?”

“Why not. A few more of these and we will be able to put our plan into action.”


	10. Reasons Are Irrelevant

Another day in the Delta quadrant, another brief skirmish with the locals, another repair and cleanup, another debriefing, another PADD.

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Seven of Nine

_What is this person's current post?_

~Assigned to Astrometrics, but works in Engineering and Sciences as needed

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Honors are irrelevant

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~She is the best person for the job - all other reasons are irrelevant

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Harry Kim. The reason is irrelevant.

~Tuvok – if you must have reasons then for her logic and efficiency

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

At least this one was brief. Kathryn thanked the deities for captain’s privileges and overrode the replicator to get herself a glass of real red wine. She read the PADD again. The writer could have at least expanded on Seven’s name, adding Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One, aka Annika Hansen. As for honors, Kathryn considered Seven’s regaining of her humanity the greatest honor. Actually, considering the writer thought pretty much everything on this entry was irrelevant, Kathryn would too. She finished her drink and tossed the irrelevant PADD aside, to be added to the collection that now resided in a box in her Ready Room. She replicated a second drink and instructed the computer she was not to be disturbed for anything less than a red alert for the next two hours and took herself into the bathroom.


	11. A Click of the Fingers

Kathryn Janeway shuddered. She swore to herself if this ever came to pass, she would make sure she was dropped off at the next habitable planet and remain behind in the delta quadrant. It seemed there was something she would not do to make sure her crew got home. The person or persons, and she still wasn’t convinced Chakotay didn’t know something about them, who filled these out were sick. Q as a Starfleet captain? Never.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.’ 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Q

_What is this person's current post?_

~He doesn’t actually work on Voyager but he has the uniform and the captain’s pips.

_What honors has this person received?_

~ He’s omnipotent, so he doesn’t need any

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~As captain, he wouldn’t want to be stuck in the delta quadrant for seventy years with a bunch of mortals, so he’d do that clicky-finger thing and get us home real soon.  
We’d never have to worry about the replicators going off-line again – clicky fingers  
He could do something about leola root – clicky fingers  
No more warp core overloads – clicky fingers  
We’d never have to reconfigure the lateral sensor arrays ever again – clicky fingers  
We could all get cute nicknames like Chuckles and Helmboy

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Harry Kim – I want a cute nickname. Besides, he could make me a lieutenant with a click of his finger, and I’m desperate enough to get that promotion in whatever way I can

~Actually, the clicky-finger thing would ensure a recommendation from whomever Q desired, so choose your officer

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Kathryn sat at her desk and spread out the eleven PADDs in front of her. She examined them closely, looking for anything they had in common.

Ayala, Neelix, the Delaney twins, the Doctor, Captain Proton, Biddle, Chakotay, Adamson, Naomi Wildman, Seven and now Q.

She pondered on the absence of Tuvok. He had assumed the position of captain when she and Chakotay had been left on New Earth. He would actually be the logical nomination, despite the fact Chakotay was first officer.

Males outnumbered females eight to three.

Maquis and Starfleet were actually equal, with Ayala and Chakotay balancing the Delaney twins and Adamson. She left Biddle swinging either way as his original affiliation was still something of a mystery due to a loss of computer data. Of this group, the Maquis nominations were a bigger threat.

Captain Proton, providing the person did not mean Tom Paris in reality, could be discounted, as could Naomi and Q. After some hesitation, she added Neelix, the Delaneys and Biddle to the group, and then Adamson. She carefully weighed the PADDs suggesting Ayala and Seven in her palms, and when her mental scales finally tipped one way, she placed them with the discards. Chakotay had filled his own PADD out in her presence and she couldn't see the Doctor's ethical subroutines letting him abandon Sickbay in favor of the Bridge so she pushed those two to the discard pile as well.

She sighed deeply. That had not achieved much. She read through them once more and suddenly sat up straight. All of the nominations did have one thing in common. Kathryn decided to sleep on her discovery and plan her retribution in the morning.


	12. A Real Alternative

Kathryn Janeway awoke with a smile on her face. She’d slept well for the first time in several weeks. She needed to spend some time re-examining the PADDs and decide what to do about them so she replicated coffee and toast rather than go to the Mess Hall. She fastened her captain’s pips onto a clean uniform and pulled her hair into the style the others referred to as her ‘power bun’. The door to her Ready Room slid open. Her hand went to her communicator to call for an intruder alert, but it dropped to her side when she saw who sat at her desk.

“Q.” Was he responsible for all of this?

Q put down the PADD he was reading and removed his feet from the desk. 

“Kathy.”

“What are you doing here? Are you responsible for those?”

“No, sadly, I’m not responsible for those, although they do look fun, and can’t I just drop in to say hello to my favorite female Starfleet captain every now and then?”

“Do you know who wrote them?” she asked, ignoring his last question.

“That would be telling. Besides, I’ve decided I’m going to fill one out anyway. Pull up a seat and listen.”

Kathryn clenched her fists. Experience proved Q would leave when he’d accomplished his agenda, so she grit her teeth and sat down.

 

“ _Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.’ Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager. I nominate Genevieve Bujold”

“Who?” interrupted Kathryn. “There’s nobody on board by that name.”

“Not in this universe,” said Q, and he continued, “What is this person's current post? She currently works as an actor, with her most recent roles the last time I checked being “Délivrez-moi” as Irène and “Disappearances” as Cordelia.”

“An actor? You’re nominating some actor?”

“Why not? It’s been done before, and I’d like to remind you of one thing. Remember Dala. She made a quite believable Captain Janeway as you may recall. Now, onto what honors this person has received:  
Los Angeles Film Critics Association Award Best Supporting Actress "Dead Ringers" and "The Moderns" 1988   
Genie Best Supporting Actress "Murder By Decree" 1980   
Canadian Film Award Lead Actress (Feature) "Kamouraska" 1973   
Canadian Film Award Lead Actress (Feature) "The Act of the Heart" 1970   
Carthagenia Film Festival Best Actress Award "Anne of the Thousand Days" 1969   
Golden Globe Award Best Actress (Drama) "Anne of the Thousand Days" 1969   
Canadian Film Award Best Actress of the Year "Isabel" 1968   
Prix Congres du Spectacle Best Stage Actress of the Year   
Prix Gala des Artistes Best Stage Actress for Two Consecutive Years.”

“Now just a minute, Q. These honors are all from the twentieth century.”

“We mustn’t let a little thing like temporal mechanics stand in the way of a good nomination. Don’t forget, I can do that ‘clicky finger thing’ and she can be right here,” and he waved the PADD containing his own nomination in her face. “Let us continue. Why do you think this person should be captain? Forgive my indulgence here, but I find I am unable to provide you with short, pithy reasons like the others.

“A long time ago, in an alternative universe not so very far away, there was a long-running science-fiction television series, (see examples now stored in the data base courtesy of Neelix and Kes, although this particular series cannot be found there). After many years of mighty starships being commanded by males, the target audience was ready for a change. A new ship was commissioned and a female captain was appointed. Captain Nicola Janeway was to be played by...Genevieve Bujold! Therefore, she has already been confirmed captain material by others in authority.”

An unrestrained snort from the captain briefly interrupted Q.

“There is no way she would have inspired the amount of Janeway/Chakotay romances that currently fill Voyager's intranet, which would free up a tremendous load of storage space in the computer banks. J/P, J/K and J/a-lot-of-other-letters would also prove less stimulating to the imaginations of the crew.”

That reason garnered raised eyebrows worthy of Tuvok. 

Q continued hurriedly, “With all that extra computer memory, it would be a lot easier to design new things to get Voyager home faster. It could probably even support another hologram of the caliber of the Doctor.”

“Stop right there. I do not want to hear any more of your asinine reasons why this woman would make a better captain of Voyager.”

“Oh, very well. I’ll just continue with the two names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this. Firstly there would be Helmboy, as he has an affinity for things from the twentieth century and then Harry Kim, as he may have had more luck being promoted by Nicola Janeway than Kathryn Janeway.” 

At that last, Q snuck a look at Kathryn from beneath his eyelashes, but when no rapier-like response seemed to be forthcoming, he wound up, “Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else. Hmm, I don't think I'll bother with that,” said Q as he started to hand back the PADD. “Or maybe I'll do another one – these are fun! Would you like to see one for Q? Or maybe Q? Oh, I've got it! Junior would make an excellent captain.”

Kathryn snatched the PADD from his hand, and ordered Q to leave, just as Tuvok and Chakotay entered the room, early as usual for the morning briefing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In 1994 Bujold was chosen to play Captain Elizabeth Janeway (subsequently renamed to Captain Kathryn Janeway) , lead character in the ensemble cast of Star Trek: Voyager. However, she dropped out after filming just a few scenes of the first episode, citing the lengthy work schedule for a TV series and her unwillingness to do news interviews. At 74, (DoB 1st July, 1942), she continues to work, primarily in small-budget films with independent production companies.  
> Additional award since I wrote this: 1990: Prix Gémeaux for Best Actress in Les Noces de papier


	13. It Had to be Q

Kathryn stared at the two PADDs lying on her desk in her Ready Room. She knew she hadn’t left any of the Applications out. She thought she had neatly shuffled them out of the way when Tuvok and Chakotay had entered. She wasn’t sure how much of what Q had said they had heard, but she didn’t waste time worrying about that. Chakotay had seen almost all of the PADDS, and Tuvok, as chief of security, was aware of the problem. She plucked up her courage and picked up the first.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Dala

_What is this person's current post?_

~Unknown at the present time

_What honors has this person received?_

~ She has been responsible for the idea that one needed to buy their membership into the United Federation of Planets. When this incident was reported back via the Hirogen array, the authorities debated it and unanimously voted to adopt it, thus she has been responsible for the raising of funding for the rebuilding necessary after the war against the Dominion  
~With the above idea taking hold, (known as the Dala Decree), the Ferengi acquired a new Rule of Acquisition, membership to the Federation and several ruling seats on the council, thereby changing the face of the Federation forever

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~She already has been

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Mobar, (aka Tuvok), would, as he tries to portray the character as truthfully as possible

~Harry Kim, because he’s still bucking for that promotion to lieutenant.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

This had to be another of Q’s efforts. He was the one who had mentioned Dala, and who else would know what was going on back in the alpha quadrant, she wondered, promptly forgetting all of the outrageous suggestions on the other applications. She picked up the other PADD.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.’ 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Q Junior

_What is this person's current post?_

~Learning to be a responsible Omnipotent Being

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Top Personality Coach 2377 (as awarded by Voyager’s computer)  
Savior of the Continuum (potential)

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He’s Q  
He’s ready for some more responsibility  
He likes to do interesting things  
He has unlimited control of matter, space and time  
He likes to give orders  
He likes to observe humanity in all its perfection  
He can open a spatial flexure using nothing more than a deflector array

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~the future Icheb, because they learnt lots from each other

~Harry Kim, because he’d like some more responsibility too.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

This application was closer in style to the others, but again, it had to be Q’s. All of the others, except those for Q and that actor, were for people on board. Kathryn massaged her temples. Her head had not ached this badly since the Srivani performed their experiments. Maybe she needed another binary pulsar to fly Voyager between and all the PADDs would peel away, just like the Srivani ships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Dala appeared in the episode _Live Long and Prosper_


	14. Ignoring the Handy Men

Chakotay and Tuvok were once again first to arrive for the briefing the next morning. They each carried a PADD.

“You might like to sit down,” suggested Chakotay. He didn’t wish the captain a good morning as it was patently obvious he and Tuvok were going to spoil it. He thoughtfully replicated Kathryn a fresh coffee and waited until she’d had a mouthful before handing over his PADD.

In silence, she took it and began to read.

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Ensign Pablo Baytart

_What is this person's current post?_

~Pilot

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Barnham & Bailey Champion Junior Juggler, three years in a row  
Barnham and Bailey Silver Rings 2169, 2170  
Barnham & Bailey Gold Rings 2170, 2171  
Current 2nd Highest Score holder on Voyager’s Wargames Simulation Beta-22  
T.E.P. Award for Most Outstanding Pilot (other than T.E.P.) 2172, 2173, 2174 

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He’s capable of juggling a variety of things at once  
He’s well coordinated  
He’s a handy person to have around  
He’s always willing to lend a hand  
He has superior course plotting abilities

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Tom Paris, because Baytart is second only to me in a lot of things and this is one thing I wouldn’t mind letting him be first at.

~Harry Kim, because Baytart would be moved to the captain’s quarters, which is nowhere near mine, and he’d stop complaining when I practice my clarinet.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Still without saying a word, she held out her hand for Tuvok’s PADD.

“This PADD was found--”

Janeway held up her hand and the mere gesture adequately silenced Tuvok.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Lt. William Chapman

_What is this person's current post?_

~Structural Engineer

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Being selected for Seven’s first date  
Voyager Singles Ping-Pong Champion 2372, 2373, 2374  
Voyager Doubles Ping-Pong Champion (with Tom Paris) 2373, 2374

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~He has fast reflexes  
His integrity is unimpeachable, and not just structurally  
If he can survive dating Seven, he can survive anything

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~B’Elanna Torres – Chapman is always prepared to go that extra step

~Harry Kim – it would create a vacancy for someone else to be promoted to lieutenant.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Kathryn calmly finished her coffee and placed the PADDs with the others.

“Don’t you want to discuss them?” asked Chakotay.

“No. I’ve decided to ignore them.”

Tuvok and Chakotay exchanged glances. That was not the captain’s usual modus operandi when dealing with problems. Chakotay was careful to hide the smile that crossed his features. There were some things in life one simply could not ignore.


	15. Fashioning a Captain

There was one place on Voyager that was sacrosanct, and Kathryn decided to spend a little time hiding out in there. The Captain’s Bathroom was small and private and nobody else was permitted to use the facilities. The Starfleet uniform was not the most functional when it came to dealing with bodily functions and the privacy the little room offered allowed the captain to maintain some personal dignity. 

The last thing Kathryn expected to find in her bathroom was a PADD.

 

_Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_ meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. 

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Mariah Henley

_What is this person's current post?_

~somewhere in the lower ranks of Command & Conn. Those ex-Maquis aren’t necessarily in positions they are best suited for, despite Chakotay’s best efforts. You know, you should consider transferring her to ‘Hairdressing’, then the crew wouldn’t have to rely on friends with no training whatsoever in that field.

_*What honors has this person received?_

~ Surviving Tuvok’s training course  
Surviving having Seven as a room mate  
Best Dressed Freedom Fighter 2370

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~She has some super ideas for fixing up the uniform  
She would get rid of the discrepancy Tuvok created in the uniform code – other Bajorans in Starfleet are permitted to wear their earring as they are of Religious Significance, not simply adornments   
She would boost morale – if a person looks good, they feel good.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Kenneth Dalby – he was her acting captain in Tuvok’s training course, where Mariah performed well under pressure

~Harry Kim – he likes her fashion sense.

_Copy these instructions and pass on to someone else._

 

Keeping a grip on her temper for the moment, she allowed herself a moment of madness and added an item to the next morning’s briefing: Creation of a Hairdressing salon, to be staffed by Delaney, M., Delaney, J. and Henley, M., with Wildman, N. as a junior trainee.


	16. The Final Punch-Up

“These are getting ridiculous.” Janeway waved a PADD in Chakotay’s direction. “Not content with ‘someone’ filling in applications for practically every person on board, including Naomi Wildman, and that ridiculous one for Captain Proton, now they are doing them for actual holocharacters. This one recommends Michael. You know, Michael Sullivan from Fairhaven. Owner of Sullivan’s Pub,” she added in exasperation as Chakotay raised a querying eyebrow. “He won ‘Publican of the Year’ five times running. They think that he’d be perfect because running Voyager apparently has a lot of similarities with running a pub, and the EMH, who is one of the supporting ranking officers, has apparently decided he’d rather be a doctor, not an ECH. The other…”

“Let me guess,” interrupted Chakotay. “Harry Kim?”

“Got it in one. This time it’s because he thinks Michael will be more successful at controlling the rowdier elements of the crew, and…ahem…never mind.”

“What?” Chakotay reached over and deftly removed the PADD from her grasp. He couldn’t prevent a small snerk from escaping as he read aloud, “If she won’t have a proper relationship as captain, perhaps she will be able to let herself continue with this one when she’s not, and because all the crew know about it anyway.”

Kathryn blushed faintly, even as her anger grew. “Do you think something is wrong with Harry? I tell you, if the next one is for Sandrine, I’m going to really put my foot down. I’m getting sick of it. It’s enough to make a captain paranoid. Be honest with me, Chakotay, do you think there are really that many people who want to see me ousted?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but pointed to a box in the corner of the ready room. It was filled with PADDs. “I think the only person I haven’t seen an application for is actually Harry Kim, although he seems to have endorsed every single application. Is this his way of getting back at me for not promoting him to lieutenant? I haven’t forgotten the pointed comment on Ayala’s application for promotion.”

“About Ayala’s promotion. That wasn’t ever discussed at a staff meeting or via the crew evaluations. You just announced it. I’ve been meaning to ask for ages what he did to deserve it.”

“Never you mind,” responded Kathryn before she had a chance to think. “I thought he was your friend? Didn’t he ever tell you?”

“He was…not forthcoming about it.”

The door chimed and Kathryn thanked the gods for their divine intervention, but the person did not wait for an invitation to enter. With a swoosh, Harry Kim, armed with a PADD and a drawn phaser bounded into the room. His eyes were wild and his hair disheveled in a manner rarely seen.

He pointed the phaser at Kathryn and thrust the PADD in her direction. “Read that! I can’t take it any more. I want my promotion to Lieutenant.”

“Ensign Kim…” began Kathryn soothingly, albeit tactlessly. “Harry….”

Harry gestured with the phase to the PADD and then retrained it so that it pointed straight at Captain Janeway’s heart - or where the organ called a heart resided in her body. Harry no longer thought she had a heart.

“Read it!”

“Chakotay.” There was no sign of fear in the consummate captain’s voice, but still she turned to her trustworthy first officer, knowing she could depend on him as always.

“Read it!” barked out Harry again.

At Chakotay’s nod, Kathryn read the familiar top few lines aloud. Her voice was slow and measured.

“Application for the Position of Starfleet Captain meme. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf. Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager. Harry Kim.”

Harry waved the phaser again. “You can skip the rest. I don’t actually want to be captain. I just want the promotion that is due to me. I want to be a lieutenant, and since being the best fucking Starfleet officer on board hasn’t gotten me my promotion, I’m forcing your hand.”

Kathryn’s gaze flickered to Chakotay for a nanosecond. He nodded imperceptibly.

“Harry, give me the phaser and we’ll talk about it.” Chakotay projected reassurance and calmness. He slowly held out his hand. “Come on, Harry. You don’t want to do anything that might blemish that perfect record of yours. Give me the phaser.”

Brown eyes stared into brown eyes and finally Harry placed the phaser in Chakotay’s hand. Kathryn expelled the breath she’d been holding and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out as Chakotay whirled and fired the phaser directly Kathryn and she crumpled in a heap.

“It was on stun, wasn’t it?” asked Chakotay belatedly, examining the controls.

“Yeah, worse luck,” answered Harry, who grinned and smoothed his hair. He strode over to the computer and began entering commands.

Chakotay called for the time.

“The time is 16:03,” announced the dispassionate voice of the computer.

“Nicely timed. The booking I made in Janeway’s name has just started. You are okay with making sure the transport will be untraceable?” At Harry’s snort, Chakotay grinned and continued. “I’ll be waiting for you in holodeck one.” 

Harry gave the order and Chakotay, holding the still unconscious Captain Janeway vanished.

Less than ten minutes later, Harry identified himself, and confirming the passageway was clear, entered the room when Chakotay released the privacy lock. He dropped the bag he carried next to Chakotay and looked around. The bar of the Wild West scenario was pretty accurate if he said so himself. The program was currently devoid of holocharacters. Janeway, clad in only her underwear, was lying on the wooden floor, her uniform in a pile beside her.

“I had to stun her again. Keep an eye on her while I finish getting us changed.” Chakotay undid the bag and pulled out pieces of a dancing girl’s costume. He held up the bustier and then frowned at the grey Starfleet issue covering the captain.

“It’s okay, I included everything she’d need,” said Harry as he handed over frilly satin knickers and a pair of fishnet tights. 

Chakotay nodded and stripped off Kathryn’s underwear without further consideration. Her floppy, uncooperative body did everything it could to hinder Chakotay in his task of dressing her in the costume, almost as if she knew something. He left Harry to attend to her hair and makeup while he dressed himself in the sheriff’s outfit.

“Okay, are the safeties off?” 

Harry called for the arch and confirmed the parameters they’d agreed on. He picked up the old-fashioned six-shooter and spun it on his finger like a pro. His eyes took on a maniacal gleam as he pointed it at the captain.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do this, Harry?”

“No, Chakotay. We’ve been over this one hundred times before. If this ever comes to light, it’s better that I get caught. Besides, I want to do this.”

Chakotay drew his lover into his arms, and took the pistol, placing it carefully on a nearby table before kissing him soundly.

They positioned the captain carefully and then stood together watching her. When she began to regain consciousness again, Chakotay gave the order.

“Now, Harry.”

Harry aimed and fired, just as he’d practiced with a simulation. 

Chakotay nodded, and gathered the injured Kathryn in his arms. “See you later.”

“See you later – Captain!”

“Not just yet.”

“Soon enough.”

Chakotay composed his features into a suitable expression of anxiety and tapped his comm. badge.

“Medical emergency! Two to beam directly to Sickbay.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Two days later…

The EMH and Tom Paris stood on one side of the biobed holding Kathryn Janeway. They’d worked for many hours on her brain. She had regained consciousness knowing who she was and the crew was hopeful that the unfortunate accident the captain had suffered during a malfunction of the holodeck safeties would have no lasting effects. The Doctor had run every conceivable test, and now while the captain slept, he called the first officer to Sickbay to give the verdict.

Commander Chakotay stood on the other side of the biobed and looked down at the sleeping woman, his face an expressionless mask.

“I'm sorry to report the bullet mainly damaged the area of the brain responsible for short-term memory. The captain is unable to retain new information for longer than an hour. She also lost some of her other memories. While she can identify faces of those she has already met, she is unable to remember the name of anyone new. Many of the skills she needs to function as captain have also been lost. There will be some improvement over the next few years, but due to the loss and damage to actual brain tissue when the bullet penetrated her skull, she will never fully regain all of her previous memories or abilities.” Tom and the doctor exchanged worried looks. “She will need full-time care for the next few weeks and then daily assistance with the memory problems for an indefinite time after that. Commander Chakotay, I will be relieving Kathryn Janeway of the captaincy of Voyager permanently on medical grounds under Starfleet Medical Regulation 121, section C. You will hereby assume the position.”

“Very well, Doctor. You will keep me informed of any changes in her condition.”

Tom and the Doctor noticed Chakotay’s fists clench and unclench several times and they felt sorry for the man who was looking at a shell of his friend.

“Do you have any suggestions as to who would be best to take on the job of Kathryn's carer? Who best could be spared from their current position? I had considered Samantha Wildman as a possibilty,” said the Doctor, feeling it would help if he involved the commander in Kathryn's care. “It will be more than one person’s job for some time.”

“Actually, it's something Kathryn herself mentioned. Since Seven converted Stellar Cartography to Astrometrics, Megan and Jenny Delaney have had a lot less to do. She had mentioned it to me so I could deploy them to another department. I'm sure they would be glad to assist Samantha with Kathryn's care.”

“An excellent suggestion, Commander. I'll get onto it right away.”

“Very well, Doctor. I'll leave you to it. I have a lot to do now, including finding the best way to break the news to the crew.”

Chakotay made in back into his quarters where he was finally able to give in to the urge to punch the air. Harry had done a wonderful job with the holodeck safeties failure. He, B'Elanna and Tuvok had concluded it was simply an anomalous malfunction, and the captain had sustained her injuries through misadventure. They commiserated with Chakotay and exclaimed how luck he was not to have been shot as well. They deleted that program completely, to be on the safe side.

At the staff meeting to reorganize the crew, Tuvok declined the position of first officer, preferring to keep Security and Tactical under his control. It was decided Tom Paris could combine the role of First Officer with Chief Conn Officer but he would have to give up his Sickbay duties. Tom looked as though that would be no hardship at all. Given Jenny and Megan Delaney along with Samantha Wildman would be acting as Kathryn Janeway's carers, it seemed only logical to transfer them to Sickbay in Tom's place. Harry Kim finally got his promotion to Lieutenant.

At the end of the meeting, Harry grinned as he handed a PADD to Captain Chakotay.

 

 _Application for the position of Starfleet Captain_. Choose someone you would like to see take over the captaincy of Voyager and fill this application in on their behalf.

_Name the person you would like to be captain of Voyager._

~Commander Chakotay

_What is this person's current post?_

~My First (and only) Officer

_What honors has this person received?_

~ Not enough.

_Why do you think this person should be captain?_

~I always did want him in any position, but captain will do nicely.

_List 2 names of ranking officers who would support this application and give at least one reason why you think this._

~Probably all of them, except Tuvok, and maybe Carey, because Tuvok was a spy for Starfleet and probably still is, and Torres being made Chief Engineer at Chakotay’s instigation still rankles with Carey.

~Me, Harry Kim, because I’ve always though he was the best man for the job, no matter which alternate universe I’m from, or how many times I die and come back to life.

_Reply to applicant:_

Dear Commander Chakotay,  
We hereby offer you the post of Captain of Voyager, effective immediately.

 

Later that night in Chakotay's quarters, the new captain and his lover raised their glasses in a celebratory toast.

“To us.”

“To us. We did it. We actually did it.” Harry burbled with excitement. 

“We've got one more bit of evidence to remove,” said Chakotay and indicated a box of familiar PADDs. “Besides, I don’t know how long I can cover up the shortage of PADDS.”

“Just how many of those Applications for Captain did we end up doing?” asked Harry. 

“Lots. Q did one as well. Leaving you out as an applicant while putting you making every recommendation was positively inspired. I did restrain myself from including the dead crew - I had one all worked out for Cavitt. Did I tell you she threw Biddle's application at me?”

“Biddle? Biddle? I still can't even think who Biddle is.”

“Neither could she!”

“And that Bujold woman?”

“That one was Q's.” Putting down his glass, Chakotay pulled Harry into his arms. “Wanna go celebrate properly?” he asked, his voice husky with desire.

They made their way into Chakotay's bedroom, stopping to kiss every few steps. Eventually they found themselves stretched out on the bed. Suddenly a series of bangs and thumps could be heard. 

Chakotay groaned. “I have got to move Kathryn out of those quarters.”

“What's going on in there?” asked Harry, his curiosity piqued.

“It's the Delaneys. As part of Kathryn's motor therapy to help retrain her memory, they've been teaching her some cheerleading routines.”

And through the wall, to the accompaniment of another series of thuds, could be heard faintly,” Give me a V!” “V!” “Give me an O!” “O!” “Give me a Y!” “Y!”...

THE END. FINI. ALL DONE.


End file.
